Comments on: Highly Sensitive in a Not So Sensitive World http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343 Fostering a relaxed, heart-based relationship with God Wed, 22 Jun 2011 02:53:51 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Rosie http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-385 Rosie Mon, 13 Jun 2011 03:36:09 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-385 I was not able to read all of the responses, but I do want to put my two cents in. I can totally relate to all of this. I read the book, "Highly Sensitive People In Love," a few years ago. It was very insightful. Almost everything about me is very sensitive. Not just Psychologically, but I have allergies, I have eczema, I am even allergic to leather shoes on my feet. When they wanted to put me on Psych Meds., it took forever to find one with bearable side effects. I was very sensitive to all of them. My nose is so sensitive that I can smell a sneeze. One of the things that I struggle with though, is how I relate to others and how they relate to me. Because I am sensitive, I developed post traumatic stress disorder and have never been to war. But, I was abused as a child and robbed at gunpoint when I was younger. I rarely ever watch anything on television, because it is all too much for me. I hate violence and horror, so that includes the news. Then there is a lot of sex on television which makes me feel uncomfortable. When the 9/11 attacks happened, I felt obligated to watch everything, then I fell into a major depression for weeks. It was my last major news tragedy, I said all of that, to say this, it is nice to know that God created me this way and that I am not alone. I do feel that for the most part it is a blessing. I am able to be there and genuinely care for others. I read a quote that said, "Don't despise your weaknesses, they keep you dependent on God." I was not able to read all of the responses, but I do want to put my two cents in. I can totally relate to all of this. I read the book, “Highly Sensitive People In Love,” a few years ago. It was very insightful. Almost everything about me is very sensitive. Not just Psychologically, but I have allergies, I have eczema, I am even allergic to leather shoes on my feet. When they wanted to put me on Psych Meds., it took forever to find one with bearable side effects. I was very sensitive to all of them. My nose is so sensitive that I can smell a sneeze. One of the things that I struggle with though, is how I relate to others and how they relate to me. Because I am sensitive, I developed post traumatic stress disorder and have never been to war. But, I was abused as a child and robbed at gunpoint when I was younger. I rarely ever watch anything on television, because it is all too much for me. I hate violence and horror, so that includes the news. Then there is a lot of sex on television which makes me feel uncomfortable. When the 9/11 attacks happened, I felt obligated to watch everything, then I fell into a major depression for weeks. It was my last major news tragedy, I said all of that, to say this, it is nice to know that God created me this way and that I am not alone. I do feel that for the most part it is a blessing. I am able to be there and genuinely care for others. I read a quote that said, “Don’t despise your weaknesses, they keep you dependent on God.”

]]> By: Gail Ruth http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-124 Gail Ruth Thu, 22 Jul 2010 04:50:19 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-124 Hi Robert, I'm so glad you wrote this. And I'd like to respond not just to you, but to the multitudes of people who carry their own version of this type of bafflement (i.e. virtually everybody). It's always baffling to see someone succumb to something you yourself aren't susceptible to. The flip side of this is that the other person is probably just at baffled at things you do to which they're not even remotely vulnerable. The bottom line is that other people do not fundamentally share our understandings, paradigms, and experiences of the world. And we do not share theirs. We are so foundationally different from each other that our own experience of the world is useless in helping us interpret or understand another person who has a different set of strengths and weaknesses. This is why Jesus taught us to avoid judging. He is the only one who compassionately understands, from the inside out, what we do and why we do it. No one baffles Him. He perceives and understands every heart. Also, you say, "It's as if they don't realize..." And I'd like to respond, they <em>don't</em> realize. So few people do. It's so easy to be baffled when we don't recognize the rarity of our natural strengths, but instead think, "Of course we do this... think this... function like this... Doesn't everybody? And if they don't they should, because they could if they just cared enough to try." But refer back to the comments on the deer, squirrel and duck. It's tough to wrap our minds around the reality that many others are incapable of seeing and experiencing the world as we do in the area of our blessings and strengths and understandings. That relatively few people carry our particular blessing. When a failing of someone else baffles you, it can be a useful sign of a gift or blessing you carry that many other people don't have. So I encourage you to embrace your understanding of the power of words as something only a few have, and use it to release blessing into the earth. So bless and be blessed! Hi Robert,

I’m so glad you wrote this. And I’d like to respond not just to you, but to the multitudes of people who carry their own version of this type of bafflement (i.e. virtually everybody).

It’s always baffling to see someone succumb to something you yourself aren’t susceptible to. The flip side of this is that the other person is probably just at baffled at things you do to which they’re not even remotely vulnerable.

The bottom line is that other people do not fundamentally share our understandings, paradigms, and experiences of the world. And we do not share theirs. We are so foundationally different from each other that our own experience of the world is useless in helping us interpret or understand another person who has a different set of strengths and weaknesses.

This is why Jesus taught us to avoid judging. He is the only one who compassionately understands, from the inside out, what we do and why we do it. No one baffles Him. He perceives and understands every heart.

Also, you say, “It’s as if they don’t realize…” And I’d like to respond, they don’t realize. So few people do.

It’s so easy to be baffled when we don’t recognize the rarity of our natural strengths, but instead think, “Of course we do this… think this… function like this… Doesn’t everybody? And if they don’t they should, because they could if they just cared enough to try.” But refer back to the comments on the deer, squirrel and duck. It’s tough to wrap our minds around the reality that many others are incapable of seeing and experiencing the world as we do in the area of our blessings and strengths and understandings. That relatively few people carry our particular blessing.

When a failing of someone else baffles you, it can be a useful sign of a gift or blessing you carry that many other people don’t have. So I encourage you to embrace your understanding of the power of words as something only a few have, and use it to release blessing into the earth. So bless and be blessed!

]]> By: Robert http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-123 Robert Wed, 21 Jul 2010 09:08:31 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-123 Hello Gail and all. One thing I read a while back from this website I still remember deals with accepting one's pace of life no matter how slow. I am not comfortable as a fast driver. I generally go with the flow of traffic. It baffles me how someone can allow themselves to curse and swear at another driver. It's as if they don't realize that their words are like prayers, whether spoken out loud or not. Hello Gail and all. One thing I read a while back from this website I still remember deals with accepting one’s pace of life no matter how slow. I am not comfortable as a fast driver. I generally go with the flow of traffic. It baffles me how someone can allow themselves to curse and swear at another driver. It’s as if they don’t realize that their words are like prayers, whether spoken out loud or not.

]]> By: Serena http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-122 Serena Wed, 21 Jul 2010 03:34:53 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-122 "It can be in the smallest or largest of details. I am so thankful for such a wonderful Heavenly Father that cares enough to involve Himself in my life in that way - seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things- yet important enough for Him to involve Himself in because I am His child!" Springtime, so beautifully said! I had to pause and think about the awesomeness of that statement and pray and thank God for caring so much! “It can be in the smallest or largest of details. I am so thankful for such a wonderful Heavenly Father that cares enough to involve Himself in my life in that way – seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things- yet important enough for Him to involve Himself in because I am His child!”
Springtime, so beautifully said! I had to pause and think about the awesomeness of that statement and pray and thank God for caring so much!

]]> By: Springtime http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-119 Springtime Mon, 19 Jul 2010 05:40:16 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-119 Thanks Gail, Maile, and Serena for your encouragement and helpful thoughts. Though I would never wish it upon anyone to undergo the pain I have experienced in life, it is still a comfort to know that there are others out there that truly understand some of the challenges I face every day. As I said before, the Lord has drawn me closer to Him through this whole process - I guess because I realize I need Him so much in every aspect of my life. The fact that His strength is made perfect in our weakness seems so incredible - yet I see this happen time and again... I get so overwhelmed sometimes by the demands of life and the expectations that I feel are put upon me from every side... but when I call out to the Lord for help, he really is faithful to help me in my time of need. It can be in the smallest or largest of details. I am so thankful for such a wonderful Heavenly Father that cares enough to involve Himself in my life in that way - seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things - yet important enough for Him to involve Himself in because I am His child! Thanks Gail, Maile, and Serena for your encouragement and helpful thoughts. Though I would never wish it upon anyone to undergo the pain I have experienced in life, it is still a comfort to know that there are others out there that truly understand some of the challenges I face every day. As I said before, the Lord has drawn me closer to Him through this whole process – I guess because I realize I need Him so much in every aspect of my life. The fact that His strength is made perfect in our weakness seems so incredible – yet I see this happen time and again… I get so overwhelmed sometimes by the demands of life and the expectations that I feel are put upon me from every side… but when I call out to the Lord for help, he really is faithful to help me in my time of need. It can be in the smallest or largest of details. I am so thankful for such a wonderful Heavenly Father that cares enough to involve Himself in my life in that way – seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things – yet important enough for Him to involve Himself in because I am His child!

]]> By: Maile http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-117 Maile Sat, 17 Jul 2010 04:35:01 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-117 Hi Springtime! I'm right there with you on the comparison thing. I've said the exact same thing to myself--"What do I have to complain about...I only have 2 children!" I'm making progress on telling myself that I'm a unique, highly sensitive person with valid needs and energy levels that might be different than the supermom with a gazillion kids I've built up in my mind...but I still compare myself to others way too much! My kids are wearing me out with the constant "Can I have a friend over?" this summer. Extra bodies, extra voices, extra emotions in the house, extra servings of food to prepare, extra dishes, extra shoes in the mudroom... it's fun for them and draining for their highly sensitive mom! Yes, as everyone says, it's nice to have them here where I know what they are doing, but sometimes it's nice for them to go to someone else's house so I can have some space for my brain to function! I can't believe how creative and productive I get in the fall when I get larger chunks of time alone in the house again! All of which to say, you bet I relate! :) Hi Springtime! I’m right there with you on the comparison thing. I’ve said the exact same thing to myself–”What do I have to complain about…I only have 2 children!” I’m making progress on telling myself that I’m a unique, highly sensitive person with valid needs and energy levels that might be different than the supermom with a gazillion kids I’ve built up in my mind…but I still compare myself to others way too much!

My kids are wearing me out with the constant “Can I have a friend over?” this summer. Extra bodies, extra voices, extra emotions in the house, extra servings of food to prepare, extra dishes, extra shoes in the mudroom… it’s fun for them and draining for their highly sensitive mom! Yes, as everyone says, it’s nice to have them here where I know what they are doing, but sometimes it’s nice for them to go to someone else’s house so I can have some space for my brain to function! I can’t believe how creative and productive I get in the fall when I get larger chunks of time alone in the house again!

All of which to say, you bet I relate! :)

]]> By: Serena http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-116 Serena Fri, 16 Jul 2010 03:13:43 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-116 Springtime, I so relate to what you're saying. When I was a child, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb and that there was something wrong with me because I wasn't popular. I went through a whole year of school not really having any friends. But what I've learned over the years is that that person you think who has it all together usually doesn't. He/she is just projecting that because many times, people want to put their best face forward. Believe me, underneath that facade of confidence, oftentimes lies a lot of insecurity and pain. Once I understood that, people became much less intimidating to me. I stopped trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be a long time ago, and have found that just by being myself, I was accepted for who I am. And - shockingly, indeed - actually liked for being my own unique self. I have learned that I am special and unique just the way I am. And you, Springtime, are also unique and special. :0) Having conquered that insecurity, I now find myself battling with feelings of inadequacy, like you, Springtime. I see a lot of people around me going like the Energizer bunny, but I'm stuck with the feeling that I'm not doing enough or accomplishing enough. After all, I'm single with no dependents. Why can't I do it all? After a year of therapy, I am starting to accept the fact that I can't do it all. This has freed me up significantly. I am now enjoying a more balanced life. But I know that these feelings of inadequacy will rear its ugly head every now and then, so I stay vigilant and work to protect myself. Springtime, I so relate to what you’re saying. When I was a child, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb and that there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t popular. I went through a whole year of school not really having any friends. But what I’ve learned over the years is that that person you think who has it all together usually doesn’t. He/she is just projecting that because many times, people want to put their best face forward. Believe me, underneath that facade of confidence, oftentimes lies a lot of insecurity and pain. Once I understood that, people became much less intimidating to me.

I stopped trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be a long time ago, and have found that just by being myself, I was accepted for who I am. And – shockingly, indeed – actually liked for being my own unique self. I have learned that I am special and unique just the way I am. And you, Springtime, are also unique and special. :0)

Having conquered that insecurity, I now find myself battling with feelings of inadequacy, like you, Springtime. I see a lot of people around me going like the Energizer bunny, but I’m stuck with the feeling that I’m not doing enough or accomplishing enough. After all, I’m single with no dependents. Why can’t I do it all? After a year of therapy, I am starting to accept the fact that I can’t do it all. This has freed me up significantly. I am now enjoying a more balanced life. But I know that these feelings of inadequacy will rear its ugly head every now and then, so I stay vigilant and work to protect myself.

]]> By: Gail Ruth http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-115 Gail Ruth Fri, 16 Jul 2010 01:49:43 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-115 Hi Springtime. I love your line about comparison being a horrible, crushing thing. And I love how you've found your way into a supportive love relationship with Jesus. It sounds like you are becoming a repository of wisdom. Blessings! Hi Springtime. I love your line about comparison being a horrible, crushing thing. And I love how you’ve found your way into a supportive love relationship with Jesus. It sounds like you are becoming a repository of wisdom. Blessings!

]]> By: Springtime http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-114 Springtime Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:50:37 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-114 Wow, great insights... and so true. Along the line of squirrels being defective deer, I can remember making a conscious choice in middle school to take on the role of an extrovert when I'm a true introvert. I was tired of being labeled and wanted to be popular. When on the spot, I can have a flare for the dramatic, and did a pretty good job at acting - but it drained me... Things were easier to manage before marriage and children. I homeschooled both my children through 8th grade. I found myself in the company of many large families who seemed to have it all together. Most of the moms I knew were the take-charge administrator type. I felt like a spineless failure in their shadow. Comparison is a horrible, crushing thing. I felt guilty for craving alone time. "After all, Mrs. Jones has 12 kids - she accomplishes so much and holds down a part-time job at home as well, yada, yada, yada." "I only have 2 kids"- what is my problem - why can't I keep going 24/7 without feeling like "Mrs. Hyde" is about to emerge? One of my kids is an extravert that drives me to the brink sometimes with the need for social social social.... Just trying to keep up with his energy and drive and behavior drains me. Don't get me wrong, I love my children beyond words, but I don't know how to handle mothering and being an INFJ HSP Introvert. My daughter had cancer as a baby (Praise Jesus, she is 14 and doing well) and that also was hard, because I was in a constant state of trauma. This right after a horrible situation with my Mom and later my Dad dealing with their health and problems. Suffice it to say... Jesus has truly become my best friend. He is my all-sufficient one. That is a great result out of some not-so -fun (excruciating) times. He is helping me see that I am not defective, that I don't need to put super homeschool mom on a pedestal. He made her for his delight, but He made me too. I am asking the Lord to show me when my longing for solitude and creative time is truly from Him, and when it is selfishness and unwillingness to face real life on my part. I know that there are seasons in life, but I have really struggled to find balance in this. It would be helpful to know if others relate to this.... I am surrounded by extroverts as well as less sensitive people in my community and I really don't feel like there is much understanding or empathy. I don't really express this to anyone, but I'm pretty sure the answer would be: "Just buck it up- you think you're the only one with problems?" That's pretty much the answer I got the one time I tried to express myself to another homeschooling mom I was starting to trust. Boy, the old turtle head went back in the shell after that! You extroverts out there... please don't take offense at this.. you are wonderful, much loved people and absolutely essential in the body of Christ. I have vented a little here. Thanks for understanding, and praying! Wow, great insights… and so true. Along the line of squirrels being defective deer, I can remember making a conscious choice in middle school to take on the role of an extrovert when I’m a true introvert. I was tired of being labeled and wanted to be popular. When on the spot, I can have a flare for the dramatic, and did a pretty good job at acting – but it drained me…

Things were easier to manage before marriage and children. I homeschooled both my children through 8th grade. I found myself in the company of many large families who seemed to have it all together. Most of the moms I knew were the take-charge administrator type. I felt like a spineless failure in their shadow. Comparison is a horrible, crushing thing. I felt guilty for craving alone time. “After all, Mrs. Jones has 12 kids – she accomplishes so much and holds down a part-time job at home as well, yada, yada, yada.” “I only have 2 kids”- what is my problem – why can’t I keep going 24/7 without feeling like “Mrs. Hyde” is about to emerge?

One of my kids is an extravert that drives me to the brink sometimes with the need for social social social…. Just trying to keep up with his energy and drive and behavior drains me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children beyond words, but I don’t know how to handle mothering and being an INFJ HSP Introvert. My daughter had cancer as a baby (Praise Jesus, she is 14 and doing well) and that also was hard, because I was in a constant state of trauma. This right after a horrible situation with my Mom and later my Dad dealing with their health and problems.

Suffice it to say… Jesus has truly become my best friend. He is my all-sufficient one. That is a great result out of some not-so -fun (excruciating) times. He is helping me see that I am not defective, that I don’t need to put super homeschool mom on a pedestal. He made her for his delight, but He made me too. I am asking the Lord to show me when my longing for solitude and creative time is truly from Him, and when it is selfishness and unwillingness to face real life on my part. I know that there are seasons in life, but I have really struggled to find balance in this.

It would be helpful to know if others relate to this…. I am surrounded by extroverts as well as less sensitive people in my community and I really don’t feel like there is much understanding or empathy. I don’t really express this to anyone, but I’m pretty sure the answer would be: “Just buck it up- you think you’re the only one with problems?” That’s pretty much the answer I got the one time I tried to express myself to another homeschooling mom I was starting to trust. Boy, the old turtle head went back in the shell after that! You extroverts out there… please don’t take offense at this.. you are wonderful, much loved people and absolutely essential in the body of Christ. I have vented a little here. Thanks for understanding, and praying!

]]> By: Gail Ruth http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/trait-of-high-sensitivity/1343/comment-page-1#comment-113 Gail Ruth Thu, 15 Jul 2010 09:06:18 +0000 http://www.highlysensitivechristian.com/?p=1343#comment-113 Thanks Serena. My husband says one of his college professors long ago gave him that "focus on your strengths" advice. He passed that advice on to me a few years after we married, when I was spending all my energy trying to master my weaknesses. But although I could wrap my head around it, deep inside I couldn't really believe it was OK. It was quite a long journey deep into the love and grace of God before I could buy into it with my heart and rest there. Love from God seems to be the antidote for many of our heart ills. Thanks Serena. My husband says one of his college professors long ago gave him that “focus on your strengths” advice. He passed that advice on to me a few years after we married, when I was spending all my energy trying to master my weaknesses. But although I could wrap my head around it, deep inside I couldn’t really believe it was OK. It was quite a long journey deep into the love and grace of God before I could buy into it with my heart and rest there. Love from God seems to be the antidote for many of our heart ills.

]]>