Life can be brutal at times. I have been experiencing a time of real depression and temptation to throw in the towel… but I’ve been around the block enough times to know that these struggles seem to come right around the time that the Father is making a real breakthrough in my life and answering prayers. They enemy loves to throw discouragement and depression our way, and I think he especially takes advantage of sensitive people that are very feeling oriented.

Sometimes I get discouraged and think that my sensitivity is only a liability. Voices all around me tell me this is the case. But God is the one who made me, and He made me this way for a reason. Because He is with me, I can persevere through the pain to the joy. Joy is found in Him. Discovering this is a very slow process with me and it seems like I take two steps forward and one step back in learning this.

Still, the deepest part of my heart says to keep moving forward- calling out to Jesus to reveal himself more and more to me and let me know how to cooperate with the plan he has for me. For me, life is a real roller coaster ride. Sometimes I want out of the amusement park! I really want the Lord to do a work in giving me stability in the midst of life’s craziness, and calm in the midst of the storm. I guess there is a whole lot of room for his strength to stand out in my weakness.

I just want to say to you hurting ones out there- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Immanuel- God is with us- right here- right now- in all the pain- garbage- fear- whatever….. and there are other folks out here that know what it’s like to feel like a square peg..that feel pain intensely and just want to hide until it goes away….Jesus Immanuel is with us… and know matter how much we may feel otherwise at any given moment… He loves us…. extravagently, lavishly,beyond our wildest imagination…

I know for myself, the healing process has been and continues to be a long one because I am only now beginning to realize a bit of how God really designed me. It’s not that I was trying to be deceitful, but I was trying to survive. Part of that was due to the way I viewed God. Though I had been taught all my life about Immanuel= God with us, and His great love and care and had accepted Jesus at an early age- I grew up with a view of God as alternately distant or angry- and I could never understand how the God portrayed in the O.T. could be the same one in the N.T. This created in me a great loneliness and frustration and deep longing- for deep down I felt there had to be something better than this “Jesus religion” I grew up with. And there is. Through a series of difficult and painful circumstances (some of which are ongoing) the Lord has and is making Himself known to me in reality. It has hurt like crazy to get to that point, but I am now beginning to see how warped my view of Him AND myself was because of some lies I believed as a child.

Through this journey, I have gone through a phase of really struggling in my attitudes towards judgemental and critical people- especially the outspoken, controlling ones. But the Lord so gently points out to me that when I wallow in those feelings, I am doing exactly to them what I dislike about them. A humbling thought. I agree with all of you that responding in kind to hostility is like shooting yourself in the foot (or head) – Just not a very helpful thing in relating to people. My prayer lately has been asking the Father to let me see people the way He sees them. The flesh rears it’s ugly head, for sure, but more and more, the Father is patiently teaching me. The Proverb, “A soft answer turns away wrath” has been helpful to me when I feel my blood pressure go up and the old adrenalin surges which I’m told fill my body with stress hormones:)

I appreciate what Maile had to say about boundaries- there is a lot of wisdom of removing ourselves from situations if that is possible. Making priorities of how we use our time and energy is good stewardship. Sometimes, though, it isn’t possible to remove myself, and then I cry out to the Lord in my heart to uphold me and help me to do no harm to others in my thoughts or words.

I just want to say how much I appreciate all of your comments. This has been a very stressful year for me in some ways, and it is like a drink of fresh water to hear your insights and to know there are others that really understand and can relate to the challenges I face.

Blessings!

As for being overwhelmed, I have lately been quite overwhelmed by the anger and hate spewed by individuals hiding behind the anonymity of the internet. One way I have learned to combat that is to leave a rational response when I come across a post that’s especially mean-spirited. The original poster may or may not see my response, but my hope is that those who read the comments later will see my response counterpoint to the original post and perhaps, learn from it. I feel that when I do this, I have a bit more control over all the negativity out there. As Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before men…”

I have been on my own journey of learning how respond to a sometimes hostile world around me. You’re right–I haven’t found a situation yet that was made better by me being defensive & hostile! I don’t have a nice, neat “how to” list to answer your question of what to do, but I do have an assortment of options that each work for me in different ways at different times.

•Flee! Sometimes, my only option is to run away, whether in an immediate sense, like hanging up the phone, walking out of the room, leaving the meeting, etc., or in a more long-term sense like letting certain friendships die, quitting certain groups or commitments. I’ve learned to remove myself from as many situations as possible that cause resentment or woundedness to thrive or build in me. I only have so much emotional energy to spare in my life, and I’ve learned to reserve it for preserving the relationships that are most important to me–my husband and kids, my parents, sister, in-laws. I found I didn’t have enough energy left for them when I was continually putting myself in situations throughout the week where I had to battle environments & people hostile to my high sensitivity AND try to “stay clean” without anger, resentment, etc. This is all part of learning to set boundaries that guard my heart. There are always so many people who want to tell me how I should be spending my time, spending my energy, what my priorities should be…

•Recognize judgment and bitterness in myself and work towards a “zero tolerance” policy. I have a very wise friend who has taught me the difference between “venting” and wallowing in bitterness. Sometimes the battle is just recognizing– “Hey, I’m really bitter about that.” I often have no power to do anything with my woundedness other than turn to Jesus and throw it all up on Him and say, “Okay, what are you going to do for me with this?” He always responds with a picture, a phrase, a gesture that takes the sting out. I keep getting wounded, and I sometimes revisit old wounds, but He is always ready to trade my yuck for something way better.

•I don’t always remember to do this as quickly as I would like, but when I ask Jesus to show me how He sees someone, I often find it hard to stay mad at them. I don’t have room for anger and compassion at the same time. And seeing a glimpse of someone’s beautiful created design makes it hard to call them “bad” or “evil”. That same wise friend of mine has the gift of seeing the beauty in how someone was created, and often what is rubbing me the wrong way & hurting me in them is part of what is supposed to be the strength of what they were created to be. All of us are wounded or not walking in the fullness of what we were created to be in some way. If I give myself grace to be in process, I have to extend that same grace to those who hurt me. Not always easy–not even possible until I give the deep, hurt emotions over to Jesus first.

Hope something here was helpful!