Off the Grid

We all benefit from having someone who can model and mirror back at us at least a glimmer of who we’re created to be and how we might use our gifts.

When we’re fortunate enough to receive this, it gives us a needed sense of “permission” to be in the world. And it can show us how to be authentically ourselves in a healthy, loving way. It’s even helpful in living out our relationship with God.

But for those of us who are highly sensitive, highly emotional, or sensitive-gifted and who feel different from other Christians, this helpful mirroring is a rare thing to find, especially in the church.

The church doesn’t lack for people who want to model for us who we are to be as Christians, but this isn’t always helpful for people like us. The problem is that people who are harmonious with the Christian cultural norm might not be good-fitting models for us. Their practical expressions of the Christian life are not always relevant for us.

For clarity’s sake, I’m not talking here about core virtues the Holy Spirit grows in us like love, humility, gladness, valuing others, peace, patience, faith, integrity, etc.

I’m talking about your gifts and created design and how they function in practical ways:

• what the expression of who you were created to be looks like in the context of your love relationship with God
• what the expression of your gifts looks like in the realm of serving God and others
• and even what the expression of prayer looks like for you.

Given To Be a Blessing

What this means is that if your gifts and created design fall outside what is culturally common in your stream of the church, you might find it difficult to grow into the person God created you to be.

The reality is that many unique and hidden gifts intended to bless the world, fellow believers, and the Creator’s own heart, are often misunderstood and overlooked, leaving them lying dormant.

And so today I want to call for a treasure hunt, looking for the unique hidden gifts and treasures the Creator has woven into the very core each individual. Yes, even you. You might be surprised what you find.

Gifts & Accompanying Weaknesses

One place to start looking is with what we call our weaknesses. It seems to me that every gift, every trait, every strength, has its accompanying weakness.

What do I mean by weakness? I consider weakness to be part of our unique design, countering our gifts and strengths. To be considered a weakness, our failures in that area are defined as undesirable by ourselves, our culture, or by individuals around us.

Some examples might be:

• a nurturant highly sensitive person’s struggles to interact with others in noisy social environments
• a deep thinker’s poor tolerance for dealing with the physical environment
• a helpful extrovert’s dislike of being alone for long
• a dancer’s inability to sit still in meetings
• a seer’s difficulty in praying out loud in words
• a dawdler’s inability to operate in efficiency mode
• a strong, competent person’s obliviousness to subtleties
• a multi-faceted scanner’s failure to dedicate herself to just one thing
• a hardy, not sensitive person’s incomprehension of details
• a tender hearted person’s uncontainable public tears at the most inconvenient times
• a writer’s low appetite for social relationships

Weaknesses As Signposts

All these weaknesses look unacceptable to at least some people, and you will most likely be encouraged to sow your energies into mastering or eradicating your weakness. But I don’t see God calling us to this in scripture. To the contrary. Our Creator seems to value our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

For those of you who are aware of your weaknesses (a.k.a. “defects”), I’d like to suggest that maybe your weaknesses can be signposts that something wonderful lies hidden deep inside. Something no one has ever mirrored back at us.

This is how I see it. Your gifts and weaknesses are a package deal. Everybody’s are. When you look at one end of the package deal, it looks like a gaping hole that needs to be filled and all you see is what’s missing that you believe is supposed to be there. But if you look at the other end, it looks wonderful and rich and useful and lovely.

Choose Your Focus

The bottom line is that you can either pour your energies into the dud end (trying hard to be what you’re not) or into the treasure end (seeking out your treasure and investing it).

I would like to propose that instead of hating our weaknesses and dedicating our lives to self-reformation, we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us on a journey that will awaken, open up, unpack, invest, and mature our dormant gifts.

It’s truly a treasure hunt. What our weaknesses will show us is not predictable. What they do is provide clues that can send us on a search and a journey with the Holy Spirit. And there’s no one who can teach us who we are like the Holy Spirit can.

How ‘Bout We Stir Up Some Dormant Gifts?

I love to help stir up gifts hidden deep inside people. To this end, I’m doing an inspiring series of interviews with individuals who express their love for God in ways for which many churches don’t offer a grid.

My hope is that one of these people might reflect back at you something that’s never made sense in you. Or maybe their example will send you on your own out-of-the-box journey with the Holy Spirit to see what lies under those plaguing weaknesses of yours.

Come Join the Treasure Hunt

The interviews are free to access. You simply need to be on my mailing list and I’ll send you the links to them as they’re posted. You can sign up in the purple form to the right. And you can read about the interviews on my Goodies page.

I invite you to come join our treasure hunt. May you find priceless treasure both in yourself and in the people around you.

Blessings!
Gail Ruth

Since I last posted I’ve had emails from two highly sensitive gifted people who knew they were highly sensitive, but hadn’t yet identified their giftedness.

One was from a new friend I met this Fall. She had read the New Year’s post on humility and asked if I was using the terms gifted and highly sensitive interchangably. The answer is no, I’m not. But more on that further down.

She then commented that while she had come to understand she was highly sensitive, she did not consider herself gifted. Hmm, to me she feels gifted.

The other email was from an INTP who couldn’t fit both the logic piece and the sensitivity piece into one conceptual whole. It sounded familiar. A few years ago I could have written the email myself. I didn’t know anything about giftedness until 2003. Without some frame of reference, the mix of logic and sensitivity (which allegedly shouldn’t coexist in the same person) is crazy-making.

For those unfamiliar with the INTP personality, one of its defining traits is a gift for logic. In our culture, people who thrive on logic are supposed to fit the profile of the fictional character of Spock in Star Trek. However, some highly logical people are also a bit akin to the empath character, Deanna Troy. And we have no grid for that.

(I apologize to those who have never been exposed to Star Trek and have no idea what I’m talking about. Hang in there; we’re done now with the Star Trek analogies. And no, I’m not a trekkie.)

Enter Giftedness

One last comment on INTP’s for the benefit of my many fellow gifted INTP’s out there. If you have a full dose of logic and also a full dose of emotional sensitivity, you’re probably gifted. Giftedness isn’t just about IQ. There are intelligent INTP’s and there are intelligent, highly sensitive, gifted INTP’s. You are in the second group. (Yes, there likely are intelligent, gifted, not highly sensitive INTP’s also, but that doesn’t have bearing on this conversation.) The main point here is that if you are an INTP who is highly sensitive, this sensitivity is usually a flag that giftedness is present.

This might prompt the question, “So, what is giftedness?” It’s a good question that no one can definitively answer, because no one actually agrees on a definition. But some definitions are more helpful than others. The description that has been most useful to me and the gifted people around me is:

Giftedness involves intelligence and creativity, bridged together with emotional intensity.¹

As I’ve worked with different gifted people, it feels like God stuffed too many kinds of different things into one person that don’t seem to go together – things that people think shouldn’t belong in the same person at all. Like, in this case, logic and emotional sensitivity.

So, while most people are one thing or another, the gifted tend to be the one thing and the other and the something else and more.

When a person has no understanding of giftedness, it’s common for them to wonder what’s wrong with them. I’ve even heard some wonder if they have multiple personalities pulling them in competing, mutually exclusive directions. The answer is, no they don’t. They are gifted. And gifted people by definition have diverse, rich inner lives.

Characteristics of Gifted Learners

The following list touches briefly on some characteristics of gifted learners. This is just a small piece of gifted theory, but it might give you a bit more of a sense of classic giftedness.

• Learns rapidly and easily.
• Has an extraordinary memory and a vivid imagination.
• Is good at abstract reasoning and problem-solving.
• Curious and persistent, and is interested in cause and effect.
• Has a wide range of interests and often develops one or more interests to a considerable depth.
• Uses a large vocabulary.
• Is an independent, self-directed learner.
• Inventive, original, and often gives unusual responses.
• Capable of sustained concentration on topics or activities of interest to them.
• Easily bored with routine.
• Sets high standards for self and may be perfectionistic.
• Shows initiative, originality, and flexibility in thinking; considers problems from a number of viewpoints.
• Generates many ideas.
• Possesses a keen sense of humor.
• May be highly sensitive and possess a strong sense of justice.²

So Why Am I Talking About Giftedness on a Highly Sensitive Blog?

While not all highly sensitive persons are gifted, a portion of them are. Several sources say that an estimated 3-5% of the general population is gifted. And Elaine Aron says that approximately 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive.

Some theorists claim that all gifted people are highly sensitive. Personally I think that’s a dangerous assumption to make. Any time someone throws the “all” word around concerning a group of people, I balk. I tend to think God is far too busy creatively breaking molds for this to be true.

Besides, I know some highly gifted people who are certainly not highly sensitive. (No, I’m not speculating; we’ve had conversations about it.)

What I would feel comfortable saying is that lots of gifted people are highly sensitive.

Resources

I have found no Christian resources addressing the Christian gifted adult. If you know of any, please let me know. But if you’re not averse to getting fed by picking out the good food and passing on the questionable stuff, I can make a few recommendations.

For information on giftedness, you can download the pdf by Francis Heylighen on Gifted People and their Problems. It is quite informative. Additionally, if you search, there is much more information online.

As far as books go, I haven’t found any that I’ve been willing to recommend. Much more useful information is available online.

For the Clinician

If you are a therapist, counsellor, or other clinician, I highly recommend the clinical book Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger’s, Depression, and Other Disorders, (Webb, et al.). I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is sure to be extremely helpful in your work with any gifted clients.

The sad fact is that I made it through my Master’s program, which prepared me to work as a psychotherapist, without hearing either the word giftedness or the term highly sensitive person. And this was after Elaine Aron had published her groundbreaking book on high sensitivity.

The truth is that standard psychology and psychiatry pathologize both the sensitive and the gifted. While some gifted persons do struggle with mental illness, many other gifted persons are wrongly diagnosed with mental illness when they are merely displaying the well-documented traits of giftedness. Dr. Webb and his colleagues will help you distinguish between normal giftedness and mental illness.

The Journey

The journey of becoming free to be who God created you to be is often difficult. It can be especially so the further your design is from the cultural norm. For the gifted, understanding giftedness and sensitivity can be a great help in providing vision along the way.

And remember, you do have a very helpful Holy Spirit who knows you deeply, loves you passionately, understands you thoroughly, and desires to lead you on this journey.

By the way, please keep the emails and comments coming. They encourage me.

Blessings.

Gail Ruth

¹I’ve lost the exact quote, but have been carrying the concept around in my head since I first studied giftedness in 2003. I read it on a website that no longer exists and I don’t know whose it was. But it succinctly represents what several experts are saying about giftedness in other sources. If you have the original quote or the source, please send it to me and I’ll update this and give proper credit.

²Selected from the list on the Florida Gifted Network. By the way, I changed the last line a bit. It said “overly sensitive”, and I changed it appropriately to “highly sensitive”.

Have you ever wondered what humility might look like in an insightful, aware, gifted person? We certainly don’t benefit from doing the “aw shucks” routine that often passes for being humble.

If we’re honest with ourselves, some of us have some pretty amazing gifts and talent. The gifted can think circles around the rest of the world and still leave them in the dust. Some of us interact with the invisible and mystical as simply and naturally as if it were all perfectly tangible. And then when you throw cutting-edge creativity into the mix, some people frankly look pretty impressive.

The “I’m just humble and ordinary and nothing really special” line doesn’t really work for us. It’s not even true. (Not that it is for anyone else either.)

If we’re done with demeaning ourselves and putting ourselves down and hiding who we really are, what then is humility? If we’ve actually grown into our gifts and strengths and if we have adapted to our weaknesses, what might true humility look like?

I have a few ideas that might challenge us. These aren’t things you can capture with a quick read or even with your logical mind; instead you might want to ponder them in your heart.

• Humility deeply believes, often times entirely by faith, that other human beings are priceless in the eyes of God, designed and strategically placed on the earth as a treasure and a blessing to Him.¹ Even that loud, insensitive neighbor.

• Humility discerns that the widow’s mites excited the heart of God far more than the all the generous and faithful offerings given that day.² Therefore humility does not disregard that which clearly appears inconsequential.

• Humility accepts that the kingdom of heaven treasures our weaknesses.³ It therefore has no need to judge or to strive, and rests peacefully in grace.⁴

• Humility considers that one is a thread in a great majestic tapestry. It understands that the plain neutral threads are as great a contributor to the beauty, wholeness, and integrity of the piece as the brightly colored threads, the pure gold threads, or even the jewels that sparkle and catch the eye.⁵

• Humility comprehends that every human is given a measure of different weaknesses and strengths. Therefore, humility never uses one’s own kind – one’s natural strengths, gifts, type, or tribe – as a plumbline to evaluate or compare with another.⁶

I have known a few amazing people who have simply lived this way without ever identifying these thoughts. But for the gifted person, humility may need to be nurtured through lingering contemplation of such perspectives.

A New Year’s blessing toast for all sensitive and gifted Christians: Here’s to humility. May we kindly regard ourselves and others.

Blessings!

Gail Ruth

¹Psalm 139, Philippians 2:3-4
²Mark 12:41-44, Luke 21:1-4
³1 Corinthians 1:27, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
⁴Matthew 11:28-30, Hebrews 4:9-10
⁵1 Corinthians 12:20-25
⁶Matthew 7:1-3