Have you ever been in a nightmarish situation that needed a resolution really badly and you felt like you were trapped underwater holding your breath, hoping that a breakthrough would come before you drowned? And you felt like something had to shift soon!!! because you just couldn’t hold your breath much longer? But with no relief in sight?
Yeah, me too.
Or maybe you haven’t experienced anything that massively overwhelming, but you know that when you’re dreading a coming situation you brace yourself, take a big breath, and figuratively hold your breath – until the situation is over and you can come up for air and go on with your life.
For example, maybe you’re facing the painful family dynamics you’re going to have to deal with at Christmas. Or maybe you’re facing a season with sadly far fewer family dynamics than you would desire. And you hope you can hold your breath until it’s all over so you can go on with your life. You really hope.
Years ago I entered into a completely untenable situation. It wasn’t bearable. It was awful. I knew that if it didn’t resolve quickly and positively it would certainly have hideous consequences. And yet it went on and on.
I’d been holding my breath running from hope to hope for longer than I could imagine, gulping air when a glimmer of hope for resolution appeared, and holding my breath when the glimmer vanished once again. I desperately pleaded with God for a resolution – an end to this horrible story I was immersed in. It was as if I were foundering in a deep ocean all alone, going down each time as if it were my last.
I know many of you have lived such a story. And some of you are living one now.
An Old Paradigm
I waited in my story like many Christian highly sensitive persons in a tight spot do – desperately, prayerfully, under deep waters, my breath held once more to the drowning point.
Even as I write this, I can sense that other mindset toward God, in which God is an aloof Being whom a person has somehow failed or offended. And now He is inflicting this horrible situation on that person either as deserved punishment or merely for their own good. They beg or plead or wheedle, trying to get through to Him and convince Him to take it away.
Maybe if they’re sorry enough, or can be good enough, or do the right things fervently enough, or pray hard enough, or believe enough, they can wrest the blessed release from this situation out of His hand.
But let me offer an alternate perspective — what the Holy Spirit offered me.
Tune Into The Yummy Good God
First, with your mind’s eye or with your heart, tune into the yummy good God of the Universe who loves you more than you can comprehend. Ask the Holy Spirit to help; He loves to engineer such connections. If you need to, go back and refresh your memory of how deliciously good our Most High God is.
Remember that connecting with the warm goodness of God is usually an emotional experience for highly sensitive persons. “See” with your mind’s eye, or “feel” with your heart, or “sense” in another way this One who is so thoroughly filled with loving kindness for you. Review some of your favorite portions of the ancient scriptures if it will help you connect with Him, such as the comforting 23rd Psalm.
Next, once you’ve tapped into a connection with this wonderful God, take your desperate plea for a speedy resolution and give it into His care for Him to hold for a bit while you turn your attention to this.
Now Breathe
Now, I know you’re “underwater”, but relax and take a breath.* Yes, go ahead, take a breath. I know you’re immersed in this horrible situation and you’d rather have it resolved right now. But sense your God Who loves you, feel His beautiful Presence, and take a breath.
I can’t explain to you what taking a breath is, but if you feel like you’re holding your breath in some awful situation, with the help of the Holy Spirit you might know what I mean.
I know that relaxing and trying to take that first breath might feel like you’re going to choke and die, but tune into that warm Presence. And work at taking a breath right there, “underwater” and all.
When you can finally take that first breath there “underwater”, it’s an amazing experience. It might even feel like facing death and discovering that you’re still alive.
Now, relax and breathe. In and out. Yes, it’s OK to cry all over Him. But then relax and keep breathing.
Isn’t it amazing that as long as you’re sensing this kind God who loves your heart that you can breathe in this place? It’s different, isn’t it?
What’s Possible
I’ll promise you that as you breathe in this place, sensing your warm, kindly God, you will have the amazing opportunity of experiencing Him as a secure refuge, a powerful helper, and a profound source of comfort and emotional care.
As you breathe underwater, engaged with God and His kindness, it’s just possible that you might come to see God as a partner who desires to lovingly and faithfully walk with you through this Valley of the Shadow of Death you are enduring (Psalm 23:4), caring for you the whole way.
It’s possible that you will experience Him delivering you in the midst of every danger and catastrophe, creating and offering beautiful, unique graces moment by moment just for you, even while you continue under deep waters.
It’s possible that you will eventually understand that all the while He has been faithfully and carefully untangling the snarled situation, no matter how long it takes, even though it seemed nothing was happening at the time.
And it’s possible that someday you and He will walk safely out the other side, arm in arm. “Who is this who is coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?” (Song of Solomon 8:5).
In the Meantime
And in the meantime, I have no easy answers or quick solutions for you. Does “breathing underwater” bring closure to your situation? Probably not. Does it make your situation a good place to be? Not at all. Why doesn’t God just intervene and bail you out RIGHT NOW!? I really don’t know.
But I can tell you that such things are common from the most ancient scriptures. For example, Joseph endured years of slavery and imprisonment, followed by more years governing the country of Egypt before at last being reconciled with his family (Genesis 37-46). The scriptures are filled with such stories of long periods of time spent “underwater” in intolerable situations, followed ultimately by years of blessing and purpose.
One caution. Don’t try this on your own; be sure you are engaged with God who regards you warmly before taking your first breath.
*Please, for those individuals reading this whose brains interpret information literally, do NOT try to breathe under real water. This post is not referring to breathing under real liquid water.
Be blessed this Christmas.
Gail Ruth
