I get lots of questions about what being a highly sensitive person is all about, how we are different from those who are less sensitive, and how we fit with the rest of the world.
If you wonder any of these things, this post might satisfy your curiosity. Or it just might provoke it further.
What Exactly is the Trait of High Sensitivity?
Clinical psychologist Elaine Aron, who researched, defined, and wrote about the highly sensitive person, says the clinical word for high sensitivity is “sensory-processing sensitivity”.
Essentially, if you’re a highly sensitive person, you have an especially sensitive neurological system. That’s it. Basically high sensitivity is a function of physiology. It’s how your body is wired.
What a highly sensitive neurological system does is pick up incoming stimuli in greater detail and with greater intensity than the nervous system of someone with lower sensitivity.
This incoming stimuli comes both from outside you and from inside you.
- Outer sources include the environment, various energies, and people around you.
- Inner sources are your own thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations.
That’s It?
Well, there is more to the story. The rest of the story covers:
- The benefits and limitations of that physiological makeup.
- How those benefits and limitations play out in your life.
- How you and people at the opposite end of the sensitivity spectrum are entirely alien to each other.
In fact, there’s a whole book of “more”. Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person, is an excellent primer on this subject. Personally, I find three chapters particularly valuable. In the first two chapters of the book she explains in detail what high sensitivity is all about. In a later chapter she addresses the kind of health issues we tend to have, and our often problematic relationships with the healthcare system and medications.
If after reading this post you still wonder if you’re truly highly sensitive, take Elaine’s insightful highly sensitive person quiz on her website. It’s filled with concrete characteristics associated with high sensitivity and will help you wrap your brain around your uniqueness. She also has a test to help you get a sense of whether your child might be highly sensitive.
The Scope of Sensitivity
The research on sensitivity reveals an entire spectrum of sensitivity – at the one end high sensitivity, at the other those who are “not at all” sensitive.
A significant percentage of people are highly sensitive: about 15-20%. That’s one out of about every 5 to 7 people. Another 20-25% or so are moderately sensitive. At the other end of the spectrum, almost half of the population is not sensitive to some degree.
What’s so interesting to me is that men are as likely to be highly sensitive as women. AND the percentages hold across cultures and throughout the animal kingdom, from mammals down to the tiny fruit fly.
Hm, I Sense a Pattern Here…
We live in a world laced with dissonance, and because of that I don’t believe the widespread presence of a trait is proof that it’s a good, positive thing. But in this case the consistency of the percentages across gender, culture, species, and throughout the entire spectrum of animal life on this planet cause me to suspect that the full spectrum of physiologic sensitivity is an intentional design of the Creator. It seems to me the Creator considers the entire spectrum of sensitivity important in the larger community of life.
But few people on the planet appear to agree with Him.
It seems someone is always marginalizing either the more sensitive or the not so sensitive. Various cultures idealize different levels of sensitivity, and at the same time devalue the opposite. (Yes, surprisingly for us Westerners, some cultures actually idealize the highly sensitive temperament. Who knew?)
What We All (Sort of) Have in Common…
In coming to grips with differing levels in sensitivity, it’s absolutely critical to understand the implications of optimal levels of stimuli. This is where so many misunderstandings arise between people.
The principle is that everyone does best when they are at an optimal level of stimulation. Everyone. We all thrive at an optimal level of stirring, challenging, motivating, engaging stimulation. The consequences of being out of this optimal place are dire.
- When there’s too little stimulation, people sink into an unmotivated sludge of bored immobility.
- When there’s too much, the result is a frazzled and jangled state in which people cease to be effective or pleasant to be around.
- At an optimal level, however, people are capable of being engaged, motivated, and at least relatively pleasant and effective. This is a universal reality.
The complication here is that an optimal level is different for people with different sensitivity needs. It’s highly individualized. And any person will need different levels of stimulation at different times.
What’s important to realize here is there is no level of stimulation best for everyone. What might engage a highly sensitive person may be snoozeville for a less sensitive person. And what is a great time for a not-at-all sensitive person may be unbearable, or even traumatic, for the highly sensitive.
Aliens!
Different sensitivity levels might sound to you like simple, understandable variations between people. But in fact the results are far more dramatic than it might seem.
The sensory-processing differences between people at opposite ends of the sensitivity spectrum create experiences of the world that are so different from each other that they are functionally alien. The realities of those at the one end are virtually unfathomable to those at the other.
People like to believe they are capable of understanding another person’s experience of life, and usually try to do this based upon their own experiences and their imagination. But really, when people are this different, it just doesn’t work.
The Assets of High Sensitivity
Highly sensitive people are equipped to bring exceptional assets to the table. We have the potential to be aware of subtle nuances others are oblivious to. We are wired to be able to see things that tend to be hidden from less sensitive people. We might pick up on little clues others miss. We can be highly intuitive.
We potentially see more shades of meaning than others. We can therefore possibly have deeper and clearer insight into situations, plans, and ideas.
We also have the potential to better understand the implications of any planned strategy, and to foresee consequences of a proposed action. And so we are capable of offering great advice – potentially.
But…
The reason I liberally use the words “might”, “potentially” and such are because these inborn gifts operate well only when we are at a reasonable level of stimulation.
When we are in a state of overwhelm or over-stimulation, we tend not to be aware of anything but the sheer nerve-wracking magnitude of the incoming stimuli. Unfortunately this is a common experience for us.
Being highly sensitive means that, by definition, we are relatively easily overwhelmed by too much noise, too many people, too much time on the go, too much stress, too many demands, and too much of any other stimuli.
And we don’t function particularly well when we are experiencing overload. No one does. We just go there easier than others.
Living in the Asset Zone
When we are not in overload, the world and our personal relationships benefit greatly from the insightful, intuitive, well-considered contributions we highly sensitive people so conscientiously make. Therefore, the key here is to learn how to live in the asset zone.
Highly sensitive people typically try hard to diligently do the right thing. But sometimes we get confused about what the right thing is, especially with the less sensitive world telling us the right thing is to keep up with them.
I propose that one of our highest value priorities is to set our boundaries and sculpt our lives to care for our physical sensitivities. It is just good stewardship to live our lives in such a way that our gifts are free to flow out of us.
But many highly sensitive people don’t feel comfortable doing this, trying instead to get over the bar set by those who cannot begin to comprehend how we experience the world.
And, when we try to measure up by faithfully keeping pace with the lives and expectations of the less sensitive people in our world, all we do is we squander our gifts and hide our light under the proverbial bushel.
The True Gift
People often wonder if being highly sensitive is a Special Gift. My response is, yes, but only if being not-at-all sensitive is also a Special Gift. And every degree of sensitivity in between.
You see, I believe the true gift from God is not one particular flavor of sensitivity, but rather the entirety of the sensitivity spectrum.
It is valuable to understand our own place on the sensitivity spectrum, to make peace with it, and to sow into it. But that is not enough. To actually live out the heart of God here on planet earth, we need to honor the full spectrum of sensitivity.
Anything else – any elistism, any superiority, any lesser valuing of those who are not what we are, any presumption of being more significant or more advanced – falls short of the glory of God.
So come celebrate the full spectrum of sensitivity with me – even if much of the rest of the spectrum still rejects our particular uniqueness.
Forgiving and valuing has to start somewhere. Where better than with us who were created to see deeply and to fathom the finer nuances?
Be blessed.
Gail Ruth
